Pulling a Bill Simmons on Achewood.
First, I haven't been fired yet. So that's nice, even though today was evil.
Now to some serious shit, though. I spent part of the weekend (in the mornings, mind you), reading through the entire Achewood archives. Man, that's a good comic. Hot damn. Then I thought, "well, shit, I've just read all the archives in about three sittings, I should compile a list of my favorites, because who doesn't like lists?" And I would also add links, so people could see the comics to which I am referring. This would be tremendously fun for anyone who seeks to avoid the drudgery of their jobs, but has already cached the Quickie and all three new Page 2 articles for the day, plus Peter King on Mondays. I know what you're up to at 1pm Eastern, people. It's no mystery.
So, anyway, I've compiled a list of 50. I could have compiled 33, or 25, or 10. No, 50. Here's my order, with the key/quirky punch line/theme for a link. I'll only make brief comments on the last 10, since the jokes are embedded. I don't have to try to dress them up with additional humor. (Plus, I've got a healthy Ray-style Monday evening buzz on, and would inevitably screw it up.)
50. Philippe is standing on it (first strip)
49. Ray goes to his favorite childhood Chinese restaurant
48. Taught myself computer science
47. Lyle mocks Cornelius' blog
46. I would ideally like to meet a lady with a strong Java/C++ background
45. Outtakes
44. The Notorious L.I.N.C.O.L.N.
43. Microsoft Word here is your free Nissan XTerra vehicle
42. Beef's T-shirts
41. Ray's final rap salvo
40. The Omega Tetris
39. Oregon Trail Gone Wrong
38. Countries That Sound Like Porn Stars
37. Notice That Your Car Is Frikking Awesome
36. Chug-A-Lug, The Train Who Drank
35. I am the LAW and the LASH
34. Screw You, Hemorrhoid! Fuck You!
33. I'll go to Pottery Barn, funk fairy.
32. Please Remember Me As ROTFLMAO.
31. You'd better believe that I have wicked sack, Todd.
30. Philippe's First Love
29. Todd's License Plate Holder
28. Man I don't need no thousand hours of AOL
27. Robot mooning
26. Roast Beef's Me Day
25. I am DEFINITELY not afraid of the fucking police
24. I have a guy in Sierra Leone
23. It is silly to like The Cure
22. Dogg don't piss on me I just invented Photoshop!
21. This must be how Matt Damon feels...
20. I shoot my gun and Java be dancin'
19. Robot shit talk
18. Oh my god that is the worst possible answer in the universe
17. The worst poker hand ever
16. I am your mom and took you to school in the car of pain
15. Rabbit ambulance
14. You funny FeeReep!
13. The series finale of Friends, brought to you by Roomba!
12. Talk about a computer which basically has AIDS
11. Ad-Aware on Ray's computer
10. Man this is like what they let out behind a dragster (day 2)
The third or fourth time Roast Beef dies. My favorite sequence of Beef observations.
9. Equation of the Week
I know high school Spanish. And I'm guilty of being on Beef's side on the second point.
8. Catullus
I would have used the punchline all the time in Latin III in high school.
7. A dude's stew
Beef's most profound observation, until...
6. I can't buy a burrito...
This one made my choke on my Mountain Dew at work.
5. All Ching Chong Wing Wong
The official joke of freshman Jeffypoo in Chinese II (Standard).
4. Traffic on the 101 was so FUCKED
My favorite storyline, ripped from the pages of my every day. Make 'em tall and ice cold just like yours truly.
3. Fuck You Friday
A new one, but a fantastic idea.
2. Talk about your people who eat Nachos at every meal
Is this some kind of low shenanigan?
1. Everybody Dance Like There's Ass In Your Pants (day 2)
The sequence that turned Ray from a rude housecat to a successful multi-millionaire, creating the balance for the rest of the series, not to mention a successful T-shirt. The T-shirt that I inquired about, which made me start to read this thing. Good times.
OK, that was a big time-waster. But I just felt compelled to make a list. Maybe next time I will make a Top 25 Uses For Your Colts AFC Champions T-Shirt, or Top 10 Reasons I Am Not Questioning My Sexuality Despite Listening To Energy 92.7 Consistently During My Commute. That "Mamacita" song makes you want to drive 90 miles per hour, for one, so you get home faster. Shut up, already.
