¿Dónde está, Pedrito?

I'm sure you Boston folks know this by now, but news takes a while to filter out here. Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez has a little friend. A little, 28-inch tall friend named Nelson. Here's some coverage.

There's enough there to stand on its own. But really, why limit midgets to baseball pitchers? If men or women of such diminuitive stature are willing to be part of an entourage, there's any number of things they would be able to do.

THINGS I WOULD DO WITH MY PERSONAL MIDGET

• Keep my files organized within the drawer, automatically
• Deliver classroom-style lectures on my in-cubicle whiteboard
• Wage gladiator-style battles with neighborhood terriers
• Push around in a baby carriage to freak the hell out of other Marina babies
• Place in cupholder of car, act out scenes from Star Wars (midget as R2D2)
  
• Replace plastic green man in famed board game Mouse Trap; see what happens
• Place in carry-on at SFO; watch hilarity ensue as he jumps out on the X-ray machine conveyor belt
• Start "Physical Midgets for Mental Midgets" pro-Bush drive for voters
  
• Start "Short on Inches for Short on Resolve" pro-Kerry drive for voters
• Get the Libertarians to make him the vice presidential candidate
• Give him a can of beer and watch him recall frat stories and challenge me to arm wrestle
  
• Start a farm with Flora's guinea pigs

Following that logic, I guess I should wait a while before having kids. Look out!