Do Not Feed the Volunteers.

This week is Oracle Volunteer Week, where Oracle people around the world try to make their immediate surroundings a better place to live and work. I had two options, considering I'm trying to give back to the community (well, not the Marina... the Marina doesn't need to take anything from me; it would be like giving change to Trump)-- to clean up Ocean Beach, or to clean up the zoo. The beach is always free, so I chose the zoo. Good call.

The project was two hours of good, solid, manual labor-- unearthing the moat/drainage area in the Siberian tiger cage. We probably moved a ton or so of dirt up to the main tiger habitat, and totally cleared out that moat. Then the zookeepers let the tigers out, and it was every man for himself in an adrenaline-fueled flight to safety. Well, maybe not.

Almost everyone came with a significant other or some family, so I chatted up everyone that looked like they needed to chat with someone-- especially the main zoo guy at the beginning of the day. I was collecting stories, for the sake of retelling to Rahul at some point. Anyway, I asked him what the craziest thing he had encountered at the zoo was, and he came up with a story about a male ostrich that started laying unfertilized eggs. That's right, kids, a transgendered ostrich, right at home in the San Francisco Zoo.

We also saw a giraffe making out with a tree, (thirsty thirsty) hippos that seemed to be mating, gorillas, antelopes, lions, penguins being openly mocked by seagulls, a mandrill (which is an orangutan with a nifty decal job), a sad elephant and a river otter (Philippe!). Then I promptly went home and made the scratches on my car a billion times worse by trying to take them off. Uh oh, better get Maaco. Such is life. It was still a good day, even if that car's a self-inflicted money pit.

As it is that time of year, I'd write more about The Apprentice, but let's face it... Trump needs to throw some bombshells like last week's boardroom to liven up this snoozefest of a cast. (Mosaic and Apex... the first web browser and a manufacturer of cut-rate DVD players... nice. nice.) Except I like that Raj guy. But the women are a uniform wall of well-groomed cattiness, and none of the guys are all that bright (except for Raj, I think). Even the guy who wears his Harvard degree like a Sox cap. This brass rat is for teaching guys like you some street justice. Anyway, I think he should fire people at random regardless of which team wins. Like the Yankees with Esteban Loaiza ("listen, I know you're winning and stuff, but damn you suck, so... you're fired."). Or, conversely, if the Sox take the AL East, Nom-- I mean, BK Kim.

Final thought: after seeing the tigers up close today, say what you want, but Siegfried and Roy have some serious cojones. Damn.